No Photos Please

Just chillin'

Someone Who Gets It

So C decided he didn't want to go to the appointment without me and rescheduled. So I have no idea what Skyler weighs, but I'm thinking maybe I'll take him to the youville center today or wednesday and take a look for myself. Oh and Karen I should have mentioned that's exactly what I've been doing with him since she said he wasn't gaining well. But it's a battle to get him to stay on the same side, I swear he pulls away as soon as the hindmilk starts and he gets fussy. But we've been working on it, and I think *fingers crossed* that he's been getting most of it.

On the weekend we ended up hanging out with my mom, and I'll be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She actually may have listened to me last time when I told her I didn't want to hear about the break-up. We went to a bonfire celebrating Canada Day (except it was on July 4th, go figure) and it was good. Lots of food and friendly people. C and I met our first rl special needs mom. We saw another baby stroller and started chatting with the mom and she mentioned that her baby has down syndrome. So we told her Skyler's story and she told us her baby's. It felt pretty good to talk to someone who actually gets what it's like, the challenges of having a baby who's "different".

I'm really excited for the CNIB picnic in August. It's for the families with blind children. I'm hoping to meet other parents who have things in common with us. I'm sure we will find someone to talk to there.

It's just amazing how much Skyler grows each day. Last night in the bath he wouldn't stop splashing me and himself and he was unfazed by the water getting in his face. He just smacked his lips like he was trying to taste it. This morning he's in his exersaucer, jumping and bouncing around. It seems like it wasn't that long ago that he wasn't able to reach the bottom in that thing. Now he's playing with all the toys and spinning himself around like a little pro.

On Saturday I went and got Age of Empires 3. AoE was one of those games I grew up on, I've played every version. I've gotta say I'm liking this new one. It's fun because C and I can play together. We build our little civilizations, gather resources, amass giant armies and then attack!

I'm thinking I might like to take Skyler for a walk, before it starts raining as it seems to rain every day now.

Skyler Smiles

Thank you for your answers to that last post, they were most helpful to me. Last night I got my student ID for Hadley and I completed and submitted my first assignment. And Skyler is really distracting me right now. As I type this he's in his exersaucer (which he loves) and he's just staring at the bookcase like there's something there.. but not the actual books because he's facing the wrong side, so he's basically staring at the side of the bookcase very intent and with such focus that it's freaking me out. Creepy.

Anyway moving on, I really need to clean my apartment because it's such a disaster and it's starting to stress me out, but there's so much to do before I can do that. Oh well..

Last night I was exhausted so I got home from work, shovelled down some microwaved food and then went and passed out. I slept from 7pm until 11pm, it was nice but crazy. When I woke up I was pretty awake so I went on my computer, chatted on msn and did my assignment for school. Went back to bed around 2am, and of course Skyler wakes up shortly after, and every hour and a half after that. Until 5:55am when he woke up and decided that he's up for the morning (until his nap hopefully, which he will have to take with daddy before his appt with the NP)

He's supposed to go today to the NP to check his weight again and see if he's gained anything since last time.. I was supposed to be there too, but since they've changed my work schedule on me at the drop of a hat yet again I ended up having to work today so I will have to miss his appointment. I told C to call me and put it on speaker phone so I can hear what she has to say. I'm not looking forward to it honestly. If he hasn't gained much I'm guessing she's going to suggest formula supplementation. Which honestly I don't want to do. Formula is just too expensive and how is something that comes in a can, manufactured by some company (possibly with melamine or some other unknown dangerous ingredients in it) supposed to help my baby be healthy? It works for some people, some people just can't breastfeed for whatever reason and formula is the best option, but I worked so hard to get him to breast so this will feel like a major setback to me. Sigh.

In other, happier news, my baby gets cuter every day I swear!

Tact & What's Left Unsaid

The other day we went to a restaurant, and as I was sitting there with Skyler a man from a table nearby commented to his wife or possibly whoever was around that "the baby's eyes are crossing from trying to look at his soother." Now it wasn't said in a rude or ill-mannered way. And yet, here I sat debating internally, do I say yes his eyes are crossed because he is legally blind and looking at things tires out his eyes very quickly, or do I just stare at my baby and pretend like I never heard the comment? I chose the latter. I'm not sure why, probably because it's much more work to explain to someone who may or may not care about why my baby is cross-eyed. It was just a random comment made by a random stranger who I will likely never see again in my life, but I suppose it's part of something bigger in my life.

I have to start taking stock of how I want to respond to the comments, it seems like such a trivial thing, but it isn't. It affects my life, my family, and especially my son. Had the man specifically asked me about his eyes I would have been completely honest and followed the conversation through for as long as he held interest. I don't believe there is anything to hide. Yes my son is blind, he was born that way, he is a happy baby. I'm not sorry about it or for it, and neither is he. I think the hard part is making others understand that. They can't see past the "OMG THAT KID IS DIFFERENT THAN MOST OF US!! HOW HORRIBLY SAD!!" point of view. Which honestly I think is the sad thing. Why can't people open their eyes and see that we don't all have to experience the world in the exact same way?

I know I've said all this before. It's just I guess I have to internalize how to deal with the random comments. I want to say something to these people, but I don't know how or if it's worth it. It would be easy if people just talked to me directly and asked about his eyes. It's the commenting to other people thing that I don't know how to respond to. Or if the man had been rude about it I would have cut in and said something, that I know for sure. I guess if it's a harmless remark to someone else I can let it go.. I don't know. This is just as troubling to me as "Is this your first?" How do I answer that? First child yes, first pregnancy no. I usually just nod my head when they ask if he's my first because I don't know how to respond.

Oh and on that note, last weekend at the in-laws we were watching some stupid show on TLC where women give birth and didn't even know they were pregnant or something. We were discussing how not every woman has the same symptoms, and I said "Yeah I never had morning sickness with Skyler." and of course SIL says (sarcastically) "Like you did with your other kid??" Ha ha ha so funny. She doesn't know we lost our first, but it cut deep nonetheless and I had to hold back the tears. I wanted to say yes I did have morning sickness with Sophie, I couldn't even look at eggs or red meat without feeling queasy and running for the bathroom. But I didn't, I couldn't because that family is not a very compassionate one. They would make jokes or blame me and C for losing the miscarriage. So I just kept my mouth shut.

I suppose I should be fair and mention that they have been getting much better, they are trying hard to be nice and to impress us so we will bring Skyler over to visit them. I appreciate their effort. I mean they still insult each other constantly and act like jerks most of the time but it's not as bad as it has been in the past. So yay for improvements no matter how small.

Oh and Smolder got her apartment today! Yay! So excited for her.

So I'd like to leave you with a question: How do you deal with the comments that make you uneasy or the questions that you're not sure how to answer?

More School!

I'm sitting here listening to the Galaxy Classical Music channel on tv and it tells you what the song name is and the artist. And I'm reading them thinking to myself "Antonin Dvorak! I know that guy from Little Einst.eins!" Wow. I'm not sure who's learning more from watching the baby shows on tv me or the kids. Beautiful music though, I've always had an appreciation for classical music and Skyler loves it. He fell asleep in his swing listening to it so if it soothes my baby to sleep it's fine by me. I love the Galaxy Music Channels. My favourite are the Nature channel and the New Age/Instrumental Channel. I'm guessing if you're in the states you probably have no clue what I'm talking about since they're broadcasted by the CBC. (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation)

So it's rainy and extremely windy today. When I woke up this morning there was sunshine so I figured the storm from the last couple days had blown over and maybe we could go to the zoo or take a walk with the stroller, but alas mother nature was just teasing me. However I love the rain so I can't complain too much. Nature absolutely fascinates me. I have the utmost respect for it. I can't wait until Skyler is a bit older and able to explore the world outdoors and have fun learning everything there is to learn about it.

Speaking of my tiny little one growing up so darn fast, he's decided he wants to walk now! His balance is still quite shaky so he holds onto my hands and he tends to wobble quite a bit but he takes step after step after step without falling down and it just amazes me. Adjusted his age is only 5 months. I'm pretty sure most babies don't walk at 5 months even with help. Also he stands on his own. He has a toy car that helps babies learn to walk, he grabs onto the steering wheel and just stands there while I sit behind him and make sure he doesn't fall. It's crazy. Oh and he loves his exersaucer now! He's finally tall enough to stand in it all by himself without a pillow underneath him. He stands there and plays with his toys contentedly. Sometimes I put on Little Einst.eins and he just goes crazy, playing with his toys and jumping excitedly.

Here's a picture of him in his swing right now taking a nice little nap. Don't mind the blur, the swing was obviously moving when I took the shot.

Oh and now I remember the real reason I wanted to post! I applied for classes at Hadley School for the Blind! I'm so excited. The courses are free if you're blind or a family member of someone who is blind. I applied for the "Learning Through Play" course which is the same as I'm taking in school right now except it's focused on blind babies!! You have no idea how excited I am. It's an 8 month course, with assignments that need to mailed in and marked by a professor and you get a final grade when it's all done and if you pass you get your certificate. I had been asking around and wasn't able to find anything to do with my ECE and blind babies until now. I'm finally going to learn the best way to stimulate his play and help him explore his world. I'm just waiting to hear back if my application has been approved. I'll keep you posted.

1000 Words

Yay For New Laptop!

Yay for the new laptop! And for getting $75 off and a free Rogers mobile stick which I will never use. And yay for best friends who pay for half of it!

I haven't slept in two days. The first one Skyler kept me awake all night, the second was a trip to the ER for an asthma attack, poor smoulder. They didn't want to figure out what was wrong with her, she was stuck there until 6am. I went home at 4 and attempted to get some sleep but of course Skyler didn't want to sleep. I'm slightly headachey right now. I managed a two hour nap when I got from work, but it just isn't cutting it.

Yesterday my dad opened the pool finally and we went swimming and it was fantastic! I can't wait to go again tomorrow. I'm sure I have lots more to write but can't think right now. Brain is shut off. Oh the family drama plot thickens. I'm not sure I want to talk to either my mom or my brother anymore.. It's starting to look like it might be a good idea to cut them out of my life.

Bedtime routine with Skyler is working so wonderfully! We take our bath together, feed him, and then put him in the crib and he is out like a light. His teeth are coming in though, and occasionally he will wake up and fuss while madly chewing his fingers. Tonight he actually figured out how to splash the water!! It was adorable, he loved doing it and managed to get himself good in the face a bunch of times with the water.

I found a copy of the book Angels & Demons by Dan Brown at work, and started reading it while N was asleep. It's the one the movie is based on, and I must say I'm actually getting quite into it. I also timed my reading just out of curiosity. I read 414 pages in less than 3 hours. I took a reading speed test once when I was in highschool I think I read 400 words per minute back then. Not sure what I'm at now though.

Anyway you all need a new pic of my Skyler guy cause he's getting so big, I'll come back and add one as soon as I upload some onto my new lappy. Oh and I got my medic alert bracelets!